Chapter 7: Quizzer Kaylee Moore

1. Vincent believed that going to the male support group would allow her to coast through the last part of her year as Ned, but as she puts it this part of her journey pushed her to her breaking point. Why is it that something that is supposed to relax and welcome men is making Ned go crazy?

Joining the male support group put Vincent in a situation that was out of her comfort zone, even Ned’s comfort zone. Men in general would be uncomfortable at first in this type of open emotional atmosphere. Men are not used to opening up to other individuals in fear of their manhood being questioned. Ned is no different. Ned has never really been in a situation where he would have to open up his true emotions to others, because it is just not a major part of the male culture to do so. Vincent has to make sure not to get too emotional with her actions for fear of her cover being blown. There are only certain ways she can act as Ned that still would be pushing the limits even for males, but going to far risks her revealing herself to the men of the support group. These constant internal struggles are enough to make anyone go crazy. Feeling uncomfortable in your skin, vulnerable, and constantly watching every action you take would push anyone to the point of breaking down. However this was probably a good experience for Ned because he got to see another side of the male culture and got to act the part as well. Not all men are calloused to emotions and it is a beneficial part of Vincent’s research to put Ned in this type of situation, despite the struggles they faced in this situation.


2. Throughout Chapter seven, a lot of the men in the support group deal with a lot of issues with the relationships with their fathers. Do you feel this occurs with a lot of male adults? Why or why not? Would they view life differently if they had a good relationship with their fathers?

According to this chapter it seems as though a lot of men in America hold some kind of hostile emotions towards their fathers. The men in the support group even admitting to being homicidal and wanting to kill them, although these types of crimes would have never occurred. To me, it seems like a majority of the male population would have issues with their father-son relationships. Sons are in a constant battle for acceptance from their fathers. They feel they always have to be more masculine, more athletic and more macho in general for their fathers to accept them. With the constant pull of the reigns, sons feel regret and anger towards their fathers for always trying to control them, or being disappointed in them for specific reasons. Always questioning their manhood and suppressing their emotions puts a great weight on the shoulders of young boys, and this weight is a direct result from the pressure of their fathers, so it is no wonder a lot of fathers and sons have “fall-outs” or have severely hostile relationships. If men in general were not constantly under a microscope, maybe they would have a different outlook on life. Their masculinity is always in question, their emotions always have to be in check, and they battle their fathers more than anyone knows. All of these strains cause a lot stress that makes life hard for a lot of men. If fathers were not so concerned about their sons in this light, maybe young boys would grow up to be compassionate and unafraid to express their emotions.


3. Vincent talks about how refreshing it was to hear the men talk about all of their feelings, even anger out in the open. Why is it that women are too afraid to speak their minds and let others know about their emotions? Do you feel you hold back your true emotions from others?

Men and women share the same fear of showing emotions. Men fear showing their emotions because they worry about others viewing them as weak individuals. However in the support group that Ned participates in the emotions of these men come out all over the place. It surprises me as a female reader to see these men showing their emotions and expressing them so deeply with one another. Women always assume that men are calloused and numb to any type of emotion, when in reality they are not. Women on the other hand are scared to show their emotions since other will automatically judge them for how they behave. No woman wants to be perceived as a bitch, but if she becomes angry and voices her opinions other automatically name call. Men and women both face a double standard when it comes to showing or not showing their emotions. This hinders them from being their true selves and can be very unhealthy. Personally, I know I hold a lot of my anger back with others. I do not want to come off as a mean girl when I get angry with someone, so I try to suppress the emotion and forget the situation ever happened. However, this is probably the worst thing I could do because the anger just keeps growing until I eventually explode on someone and unleash all of my emotions at the wrong time.


4. Towards the end of the chapter Vincent states that she really didn’t know what it was like to be a man and that she never could know. All she was sure about was how it felt to be treated like a male which was what she wanted to get out of this experiment. How does being received as a man contribute to Vincent actually learning what it is like to be a man?

Being accepted as a man is probably the best thing Vincent could have done throughout this entire ethnography. Gaining the acceptance and being received as a man gave her a passageway into their world that she never would have experienced as a woman. Ned led her into situations no woman has ever been before and in turn, Vincent was able to get a taste of what it was like to be a man. I agree that she never could actually know what it is like to be a man. She has the knowledge of how men are treated, which is about as close as she can ask to get to the real thing. Being received as a man led Ned along his journey and gave Vincent a new set of eyes to see the world through. She now has a male perspective on society that will always stay with her and she can appreciate the male culture that much more than any other woman who has not experienced what she put herself through.